Building Boundaries

It has been awhile since I was motivated to share a thought, but today, I feel lead...no, let me rephrase, that I feel driven to share. It is my hope that this message reaches those who need to hear this and who are ready to take another step forward on a lifelong journey of transformation.

This afternoon, I was reminded of a life lesson that I am trying to learn: the need for setting boundaries. If you are like me, some lessons are learned easily and others basically beat you until seemingly little life is left by the time you learn the lesson. Well, boundaries is a lesson that is one that has been roughing me up for decades. For those of us that are people pleasers, we can find ourselves buried beneath incredible piles of work and tasks because we have not learned to set boundaries whether they are with ourselves, our families, our friends, or even our employer. The fact is without boundaries you can build heaps of anger, resentment, hatred, and feelings of being taken for granted. Those feelings are directed towards the ones we see as forcing us to do all the things we really don't want to do, but the truth is we need to turn the blame to ourselves. That, unfortunately, is a hard truth to swallow. Only we can build boundaries and enforce them. (Easier said than done, I know.)

Consciously, I am aware that if I set boundaries and enforce them, I know that my life will be more enjoyable, peaceful and calm. For those of us who are tentative about hurting someone's feelings by saying "no" or have a fear of being fired for saying "I can't take on more", we suffer until we fold under the weight rather than being there for ourselves. As I sit and ponder my current situation, I think about those around me who have said "no" and set boundaries. Were they fired or demoted? No. Did they lose a friend? No. Did the family member get angry and remove them from family functions, maybe but doubtful. So, I sit thinking why do I not set boundaries? Do I not feel worthy of respecting myself? Do I feel others deserve more respect than me? Do I feel others deserve to have more free time or do less than I deserve myself? Do I feel that something bad will happen based on past life experience? Am I just fearful about the outcome? Have you asked yourself those questions?

If you are like me, you may have been raised to be a people pleaser based on my parents' upbringing. Others of you may have learned a similar behavior to keep the peace in an unpeaceful home or because of other circumstances. This learned behavior can change, but it takes courage to look at ourselves truthfully and to speak our truth to others. It may also take some time to look at releasing trapped emotions based on what taught us to have no boundaries. The Emotion Code and Body Code can help with releasing those trapped emotions and even blocks that keep us from being able to set those boundaries. However, once those are cleared, it will still be up to me, and you, to take the next step and set boundaries.

As I think back to last December and my blog about the North Star, I am thinking that this is another point in the right direction. Coming to terms that being nice and doing whatever is asked isn't always healthy even if it is appreciated. Without boundaries, we can get run over and overwhelmed. We are asked not to be frustrated, angry, or peeved or raise our voices about it, but without boundaries, we break. For those who see us break, they may not understand or even care, they have gotten what they needed and wanted, but our lack of courage to set boundaries places in an unpleasant position. We have to do the work; we have to clear our past, find the courage to speak up because we are worthy of respecting ourselves, and set our boundaries fearless of consequences. We also should thank that person or persons who ask for one more thing from us for reminding us that we do need to set boundaries for ourselves; they are the poke that moved us in the right direction.

As I work on the next point on my North Star: Building Boundaries, I ask you to consider is this a lesson you need to learn? Do you need help figuring it out? I may not have all the answers to getting you to set boundaries, but I am here to support you, whether it is by helping you release trapped emotions, listening while you work through it out loud, or being here if you need to vent before you make your first attempt to set a boundary after you calm down. I will even stick around for the celebration that you survived your first boundary being set. We all need that someone to support us as we try to learn to walk on a new treacherous path.

My wish for you is this message speaks to you, whether you needed a reminder or a kick in the pants. Building Boundaries is a tough job, but I have faith and confidence that if you seek your heart's desire of being the best you that you can be, setting boundaries will yield many rewards: your sanity, your boundless joy, and your freedom from burden that isn't yours to carry. You deserve that! You are worth every minute you give back to yourself!!!

Best wishes,

Pam